Stone Henge Apocalypse Movie Review

Title: Stone Henge Apocalypse

Format: DVD

Year: 2010

Label: Anchor Bay

From the mind of Paul Ziller, the director of 'Beyond Loch Ness' comes another mythical TV movie with a lot of fake British accents, ridiculous locations and CGI stones. But it can't be all bad, can it?  

To be fair, this is a TV movie. It's a low budget TV movie. I'm not sure which station is was made for but I would say that it probably filled it's criteria.

The acting is actually petty solid, which is quite a compliment considering that the amount of psudo science dialogue is mind numbing at best often bordering on annoying. 

The whole thing is generally shot well. The non CGI sets are passable and the lighting is pretty good. 

The main problem with this movie is that most of the most dramatic apocalyptic scenes are not seen. We experience them from within a control room - I understand that the budget dictates this point, but a few external shots with a bit of panic and carnage would have helped a lot. Added to that, the fact that there is no real Bad Guy - A few are introduced towards the end, but they have very little menace about them. 

The music works well a and the action scenes also have sufficient urgency and pace.Misha Collins does an OK job in the lead role, but he is not very charming or intreguing. The role was acted very seriously which I think was a big mistake. 

If the character had come accross a little lighter ( I'm thinking Cristian Slater / Micheal J Fox style ) or geeky like The Librarian or more of a rogue like Indiana Jones - Basically if he was given a character it would have improved the film massively.

This film is a Stargate / Independence Day / 2012 wannabe and falls short in almost every respect. Pure budget TV fodder. Worth a watch? No not really. It's bearable. That's about the long and short of it.  

UK Films Rating: 3/10
Release Rating: 7/10 - Good picture, Making Of included.
Did James like it? No

 

The Death Merchant Movie Review

Title: The Death Merchant

Format: DVD

Year: 1991

Label: 1st Miracle Pictures

Here we have a strange action thriller from Director James Winburn... Who? What is it with all the stunt coordinators making z movies? Well anyhow, here is another one. Not all terrible - but very hard to like. The story is OK, the cast are pretty good and the direction is just about passable. If you look past it's flaws, is it worth the effort? Let's take a look...

The lead character seems to be the villain called Ivan played by the late great Lawrence Tierney. And quite rightly so. He has the presence and the pedigree to carry this film, which he just about manages to do.

The story is a bit messy but essentially, an archaeologist finds an artifact with supernatural powers. Ivan wants it. We are then introduced to lots of forgettable characters who also want it.  

The worst thing about this movie ( and to be honest, there is a lot not to like ) is the sound mix and music. At times the music is mixed out of sync with the following loop, there is also an awful echo effect used at various times on dialogue, effects and music which is totally distracting and downright annoying. I think the sound mixer Jack Lindauer must have acquired a 1970s copycat echo machine and was intent on using it.

There is no need for anyone to watch this movie. It's a mess. Where films like aquanauts embraced and exploited their low budget trash audience, The Death Merchant just pisses them off. Not ridiculous enough to be a worthy b-movie and not executed well enough to be a passable TV movie.

UK Films Rating: 2/10
Release Rating: 4/10 - Picture ok, trailer included.
Did James like it? No

Aquanoids Movie Review

Title: Aquanoids

Format: DVD

Year: 2002

Label: Screen Entertainment

Wow! I will sum it up now and work my way backwards - Stupid, Awful & Brilliant in equal measure. This is very low budget trash cinema for the die hard trash cinema fans. The general viewing public will undoubtedly turn this movie off after the first 2 mins. BUT...if you like trash cinema and stick with it, it's actually a fun movie.

It's a classic B-Movie creature feature done pretty badly but almost unashamedly. It's Jaws meets, Piranha meets Zombie Lake with lots of static camera shots, terrible acting and dodgy framing.

I can see I'm not selling it so far....On the plus side, the gore FX & makeup are brilliant, the music works well and there are a few characters and actors that lift the production just enough to pull you in. 

The lead actor is a busty blond, who gives it her best shot but falls short, by a long way. In fact, she struggles to talk and move at the same time for the most part. The lead male only features in the film for about 30 seconds at the beginning and 30 seconds at the end. If the director had gone with him as the lead, the movie could have been a cult classic. 

There are creatures in the bay that attack swimmers. That's pretty much it. The stand out characters are the mayor and his side kick played by Edwin Craig ( Batman ) and Ike Gringrich ( None worth mentioning )

This duo work brilliantly together as the villains who must put a stop to these melding kids before they ruin their plans to build a shopping centre in the cove.

The direction is pretty poor, even by trash standards. Lots of static badly framed shots and unnecessary cut shots. There is a lot of underwater footage which is actually pretty good and definitely adds production value. There is a nod to Roger Corman films and their Italian knock offs which is nice. This kinda sums it up. This movie is a knock off of a knock off of a knock off.

I must say that I actually enjoyed this movie. There were even a few laugh out loud moments - mainly due to the horrific acting and stupid dialogue, but I guess that's kind of the whole point of these type of movies. Megashark, sharktopus etc have just polished the turd, or trash, as would be the case. I would not recommend this to anyone other than z-movie enthusiasts - if that sounds like you, then I thoroughly recommend Aquanoids.

UK Films Rating: 5/10
Release Rating: 5/10 - Picture poor, but trailers included.
Did James like it? Yes

Killersaurus Movie Review

Title: Killersaurus

Format: DVD

Year: 2015

Label: 88 Films

Back to some good old home-grown B-Movie goodness with Killersaurus from prolific low budget filmmaker Steve Lawson ( The Silencer, Survival Instinct.. ) The entire movie was shot and edited in a matter of weeks on a shoe-string budget. Made to cash in on the release of Jurassic World maybe? Probably, but who cares? The question is: is it any good? Well let's take a look...

 

The story is simple and ridiculous, just how we like them. A group of scientists make a dinosaur, a shady government agency is involved and then it all goes wrong..so far so good. The number of lead actors is limited to a small hand few which allows Lawson to develop the characters just enough in the limited time. And the time is very limited. The run-time states 75 mins, but if you take away the credits, we're looking at around 1 hour. 

The production and direction are excellent considering the budget and grueling shooting schedule. The small number of locations, coupled with the use of dark backgrounds, smoke and light effects help to add a sense of claustrophobia, but this is my main gripe. After a while, a change of scene to somewhere with a wider or deeper viewing plane would have added a nice contrast to the dark research labs.

The acting is solid for the most part, with all actors delivering a stern performance. The stand out performance was Kenton Hall, who managed to add a little extra lightness and depth to his character in a pretty contrained environment. Overall the movie feels like a Pilot TV episode for a Sci-Fi channel series ( and that's not a bad thing)

The Dinosaur it's self is not your usual CGI nonsense. This one is real ( or at least it exists in the real world )- It's a model. I must say that I much prefer it this way. Yes it looks dated, but it works, and actually adds production value and a novelty factor if nothing else. The other thing I really like is the use of music. The soundtrack really drives the pace and drama throughout the movie

Despite it's limitations, Killersaurus works. It cannot be judged alongside it's Hollywood peers. It cannot be judged by B-Movies of the past. It's a super low budget movie shot in the midlands in a few weeks with a skeleton crew. I think Creativ Studios should be commended for sheer efficiency and genre hoping ability. What genre will they tackle next? I can't wait to find out.

UK Films Rating: 5/10
Release Rating: 5/10 - Good picture. No extras.
Did James like it? Yes

 

 

T-Force Movie Review

Title: T-Force

Format: DVD

Year: 1994

Label: ILC

A change of pace now with some 90s Sci-Fi Action with... T-Force. Now the first rule of B-Movies, in fact the only rule of B-Movies is: Make the artwork a million times better than the movie. They got this one completely wrong. This movie should thank it's lucky stars that it found me because no other person on the planet would watch this movie based on this crappy cover. It's a shame because it could have had truly epic artwork and the movie is actually pretty good.

A simple story set in the near future. A group of Robocops go off the rails and turn into Terminators. 90 minutes of gunfire, explosions, robot components, boobs, corny one liners, male bonding, buddy cops, helicopter battles and dune buggy chases ensue. There isn't very much else to say. Why has this film not been given the love it deserves? Because of that god awful artwork! Did I mention that before?

I really liked the direction on this. Some really cool angles, nice dramatic dolly shots reminiscent of the 80s Italian zooms and some well executed chase sequences. The effects are also very impressive for the most part. We can ignore a little tin foil here and there. As a poor man's Robocop/Terminator/UniversalSoldier/48hours/Raw Deal, this pretty much hits the spot.

The acting is fine and the writing is pretty decent. It does weave in a little sentimentality and hints at some deeper Bladerunner style moral quandaries, but soon discards those notions in favor of cheap gags - and all the better for it I reckon. The only thing that I wasn't keen on was the T-Force costumes. Not tacky enough to be cool and not techy enough to be plausable, but whatever.

That about sums it up. I'm sure the Director would have liked to make the world feel a little more futuristic in a total recall style, but he did a good job overall. There are some decent little virtual reality and holographic gadgets which help set the scene. So to summarise I'd say it's a poor man's Robocop/Terminator/Universal Soldier/Raw Deal and I like it. A hidden gem.

UK Films Rating: 7/10
Release Rating: 5/10 - Good picture. No extras.
Did James like it? Yes

Warrior of the Lost World Movie Review

Title: Warrior of the Lost World

Format: VHS

Year: 1983

Label: Thorn EMI

Back to some good old Italian Post Apocalyptic trash. This one is ridiculous and I loved every minute.

The cast is superb. Not the actual acting, but the pedigree of actors is brilliant and makes the whole thing even more ridiculous. Everyone just seems to be having a great time. Rumor is that the director was not given a script or story, just a poster and told to make a film to match. And what a film he made.

Our lead actor, I'm not sure if he had a name, rides a bike similar to street hawk with an onboard computer with a character which can only be described as the bastard child of R2-D2 and kit. Our anti-hero is a bit of a rogue in the style of Han Solo and gets roped into a rebel attack on the evil empire called Omega by the princess ( maybe not really a princess but she might as well have been. ) to save her father. An epic journey begins in the style of King Solomons Mines - The Richard Chamberlain Indiana Jones rip off, but far more messed up with far worse jokes.

But this story is irrelevent really. It's all about the characters, costumes, vehicles and sound effects.

The rebels are made up of various gangs best described as the characters of Street Fighter II breaking out of the screen and having an orgy. There's a Kung Fu gang, all dressed as Ryu, GI Joes, Black Nazis, Punks, Prostitutes and wrestlers.  It's amazing. 

The head of the baddies is basically Blofeld, Dr. Evil before Dr. Evil. His henchmen are nazi storm troopers all carrying MP40s. But this is a strange thing. All of the guns in the movie are vintage with the exception of a few chrome pistols. They all fire bullets, but it seems that they must have originally planned to use lasers, or at least someone came up with a laser sound, and they just stuck with it. It doesn't fit at all, but I love it!

The effects, sets and locations are very good. Some look a little rushed, like an open well kept green field with random burnt out cars, but most are great. The constant changing of locations does keep you entertained while nothing much is happening, from indiana jones style caves with spiders and snakes to futuristic bars and vast  military compounds.

The direction is a little heavy handed, but who cares. It's a wham bam thank you mam of a film. It shoes glimpses of genius and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I love the fact that the director was thrown into this, obviously took the challenge on and decided to have a good time doing it. They asked for a film to go with the poster. That's what they got. So he then has the gall to

leave the end begging for a sequel. Brilliant. If you like this genre, you have to see this movie. Even if you hate it, you'll have a good time hating it. What more can you ask for. Everyone's a winner.

UK Films Rating: 8/10
Release Rating: 7/10 - Great picture for a 1983 VHS
Did James like it? Yes

The Divide Movie Review

Title: The Divide

Format: DVD 

Year: 2011

Label: Momentum

First of all let me say that the cover art is a little misleading. 99% of this movie is set in a bunker. But the image of the apocalyptic earth depicted in the artwork does match the image formed through unfolding of the story in the bunker.

The first thing that struck me about this movie is the quality of the production. It looks and sounds great. The camera movements and direction are excellent. The acting for the most part is also very good.

The story is simple but brilliant. A group of people descend into the basement of their apartment block when bombs start falling outside. It turns out that the building's care taker has created a functional fall out shelter.

 

The main story focuses on the collapse of society in the microclimate housed in the fall out shelter. The changes in the characters and overall states of minds is brilliantly done. It incorporates all of the best ellements of any post apocalyptic movie and crams it all into the tiny clausraphobic space. It's been seen before in horror thrillers, but this is extremely well done and horrifiying in parts.

Needless to say that not everyone makes it. A few events early on make it very clear that this movie takes no prisoners. There are so many well defined characters that it would be difficult for me to go into those here, but they are all individuals that really build the tension.

When things really start to get messed up around the mid way point, it is difficult to look away. My wife's pained frown all the way through this portion of the movie is enough for me to love it, but it really is a well crafted and well executed triumph of cinema in my opinion.

UK Films Rating: 9/10
Release Rating: 9/10 - Great picture & sound. 24min Making Of
Did James like it? Yes